There is not enough anger for inspiration to drive me into my best writing state. Or at least the slightest of that state. I do not feel driven, yet if I do continue typing, I believe that — mother calls. She asked me if I bought her the pack of cigarettes she asked from me earlier today. I had rain for the excuse that I haven’t. We are all imperfect.
Today is the second of June. Yes, summer’s over. Sad. Rain has started falling since…since approximately May 17. Either that, before or after. Even so, heat was still grandly present. It only did started falling daily starting sometime May 22, just when we came back from
Baguio
. It rained in
Baguio
too. I must say, that was the first time I encountered a fall in the cold. Like freezer water dripping during a defrosting session. Anyway…
Today was spent mostly out of the house. Either at school or…Quiapo. Yes, I went to Quiapo alone, to those who don’t believe I could. I had and I’m not dead nor hurt nor had any possessions taken unlawfully. Phbbt
So, at school I met with Anna Gee and Ate Rizel who were quite helpful in warding off boredom and my retrieving the report card which I was supposed to receive way back April 8. (I am not using the family computer; I am using the ancient laptop my doctor of an aunt bought me during my Grade 4 years. I haven’t been much careful with it, thus its rather annoying reactions to my handling. The screen is… not working properly, and I almost can’t read what I’m typing. Nevertheless, I continue.) Imelda Hilario and Mary Grace See were no help at all. They are both the vilest, most accursed souls in that educational institution. As they helped themselves to not helping me take hold of my report card, a thought dawned on me. How could two human beings be so keen to make themselves an image so revolting for everyone to remember? Are they even conscious that these images are what are rendered in people’s mind upon being reminded of them? Sad lives.
Yet despite their maltreatment on me, I was still delivered somehow helped. I was given what there are which I have to do in order to receive the cursed document. They seem to be easy. Wearing my complete uniform, having Imelda’s as well as Ma’am Obli’s signatures on that damned pink piece of paper, and that’s it. Then, the world including me would be all happy.
I have to admit, I really am excited for the upcoming schoolyear. It being the last, I have to spend my senior year however I can to the (I’d hate to have used this word) fullest (It’s sounds cheesy). In fact, I already am collecting the names of my to-be classmates, and upon having collected a few and finding out that they’re not so bad (except for ONE, the most damnable creature in the batch), I started plans for the class which I hope would be apprehended. They are not to be mentioned here since I would like to provide it only for my class and that alone. Phbbt
(Wow, here in Microsoft Word, if you enclose a word, phrase or any group of characters within two asterisks, they turn bold. Amazing.)
I am supposed to write at least one article for submission tomorrow. This is my exercise. I find it difficult to write without conditioning. I have to convince myself that I am in a very good state for writing before I start with something decent. Decent pieces are hard to come up with, much more to finish. Or vice versa. Bah!
What is else is there to discuss about? Cockroaches are showing improvement in their evolving? (or at least those in our house [baka me kinain]) Doggie Boy’s departure? * sniff * Ok, I’m going to concentrate on that. I don’t know when he actually decided to reside in another house (really, I’m no mind reader nor could talk to animal nor stays at home often), but it was just recently that I’ve heard my brother talking about my most favorite domestic pet in my entire life seen at his friend King’s (whose brother’s name is Kong) house, a neighbor. He lives at quite a distance from our house, and my brother had this idea that my beloved feline friend whom I talked to a lot followed him. * sniff * He must be hungry, and it has been long since we had good food with good leftovers fit for eating of a finicky cat. He was (and I believe still is) finicky. He doesn’t eats bones like most cats do. When served leftover chicken bones, he’d search them for leftover flesh. A hard feline to please. Nevertheless, he’s really tame. Tame enough to approach you in a manner that suggests his yearning for getting fondled. Ang labo ng pagsusulat ko ngayong gabi. Pero kelangan talaga eh.
I feel sleepy. I feel like taking a bath. I feel like hiding and brainwashing journ people of the fact that I exist. I can’t produce anything decent! Even my thoughtdump remains unfilled! Sorry, but this week really couldn’t provide me of the mood, and I’m afraid one of Hannah’s card predictions would be proved wrong.
I hate myself.
Type, type, make sense you silly wombat! No, you detestable hedgehog! You are incomparable to office waste basket which proves more useful as it could hold trash unlike you can’t produce anything decent! See?! That didn’t make sense! (Continue rambling, you nut-headed goat, and doom shall be nearer than you expected it to be.)
I live a very sad life. Now.
Yeah, sure that’s what I think. Now. I am a very demented person who sometimes believes she doesn’t have the right to be happy. The screen continues hurting my eyes.
Sometimes, toothbrushing makes your teeth not well. Instead, carbonated drinks do.
There. Pressing the back of the screen helps make the world clear and un-chaotic. My eyes are no longer troubled. Yet I’m sick. Or I feel sick. I want to quit. NOW.
8:56PM
June 2, 2005
I just discovered the pcture-psting ablity of this…bloggg. I wonder where they got that name from…
